I originally wrote about my grand plans for my year to age 30. For some reason, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt like you’re a “real” adult when you turn 30. I don’t really know why or where that came from, but I’ve always thought that life just makes sense at 30 – like a ‘lightbulb’ comes on and you have your “aha!” moment.
Not sure what will happen, but I do know that in one year and three days, I’ll be 30.
I love so many things about my life, but the one thing that has always disappointed me is my weight. I’ve had weight problems since I was a little girl. I still remember being called Miss Piggy in kindergarten. I remember when my mom married my stepdad when I was 10, going to try on my junior bridesmaids dress when it came arrived and having to have extra material added to my dress so it would fit. I remember someone who would hang out with me in secret in college, and when I asked why not go on a real date, he asked if I would actually date myself and he said that I should consider going to the gym. I remember picking up my wedding dress a few days before our vow renewal ceremony and the tailor shouting at me, “Too short! Too tight!”
You know what I don’t remember? I don’t remember a time where I’ve ever truly felt comfortable with my body. Yes, there was a brief time where I was at a good, healthy weight but that time was very short. I was happy, but something was still missing. It was almost like somehow I knew that they weight loss wouldn’t last and that I was living in a borrowed body.
Unfortunately, I’ve always been the type of person that looks for a “Monday” as a new start. Monday/a new week/a new month/a new year/insert-new whatever-here/etc. never comes (pretty sure I’ve written about that before, too.) I refuse to enter my 30s harboring these feelings of self-loathing and shame. Over the summer while we were watching Extreme Weight Loss with Chris Powell, I told Peter I wanted a “big reveal” to showcase my weight loss. He was completely on board. I asked him if I met my weight loss goal, would he throw me a big reveal/30th birthday party and he said absolutely. Y’all hold him to that, ok? 🙂 And hold me to carrying out my end of the deal.
I have made one of my goals for my plan (which I’ll detail next week) to blog daily beginning Tuesday. Often, when I have successfully lost weight, I have blogged. I’ve found that when I start to falter, I stop blogging until I’m so far down a spiral that it can be weeks or months before I even try to get back on track. I figure if nothing else, blogging daily will serve as a reminder that every day is a new chance to get it right.
So this weekend, I enjoy myself. I get my special birthday dinner. I get to make a lovely Sunday dinner, I get to let my neck incision continue to heal before I start exercising.
And then? I get up Wednesday morning, the day after my 29th birthday and I get to step on the scale. I get to own the number that the scale says and I get to embrace where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to go.
And then I get to embark on a health journey for those next 365 days.